10.) Dead Style Icons
Cool guy, that Steve McQueen, huh? And Paul Newman? They don't make 'em like that anymore. Oh, you know who else is super-stylish? People who are currently breathing.
9.) The Plight of the Menswear Blogger
It's a common trope and as popular a fashion meme as any other: the self-pitying menswear blogger. It is true that, as many of these guys are very willing to point out, lady bloggers get a lot of love and a lot more mainstream attention; for every article recognizing the reach of a Sartorially Inclined or an Unabashedly Prep, there are approximately 400 think pieces, a Today Show interview and a Rodarte editorial heralding the influence of Tavi. And remember that one season that Tumblr didnt invite any menswear bloggers to Fashion Week and then the next season when they did? That was their Arab Spring, you guys. Heres the thing: the fashion world is always going to be skewed toward women. Fair, unfair, sexist, biased, whatever; its kind of just how it is. Besides, women still make 70 cents to the male dollar on average, so if Susie Bubble gets flown to Milan Fashion Week and you dont, you can either stop inserting your favorite brand names into rap lyrics and start wearing Mary Katrantzou, or you can suck it the hell up.
8.) The Friendship of Terry Richardson and Jared Leto
You guys, I just don't have a good feeling about this one.
7.) Ryan Gosling Worship
Yeah, yeah, yeah: you loved Drive, and he looked like he was Photoshopped in Crazy, Stupid Love and he can wear a suit like nobodys business. But, what it really comes down to is this: can you look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say you want another year idolizing someone who swear-to-God spends a casual summer afternoon walking down the street playing a goddamn ukulele?
A wise man (Caroline from The Real Housewives of New Jersey) once said that if you hang out with garbage, youre going to start to smell like trash. Just something to think about the next time you find yourself choking out a girl from Poughkeepsie whilst trying to get your grubby paws on a Versace x H&M neon leopard print jacket that looks like something an off-duty drag queen would wear on his/her way to a free clinic in 1983 Miami.
5.) Lady Gaga, Default Cover Monster
Style.com noted that Lady Gaga appeared on 36 global magazine covers this year. 36! That's almost one for every international edition of Elle, and more than 36x the number of readers of Harper's Bazaar! And as a refresher, there are only 12 months in every calendar year. I'm not a mathematician, so you do the math.
4.) Fashion's One Track Mind
Fashion people really love a token and they can only like one token at a time, whether it's Amare (Token Athlete) or Beth Ditto (Token Fat). I have a dream that one day, people will be judged in the fashion world not by what box they fit into, but by the content of how much more badass they look sitting in the front row during Fashion Week than Nicki Minaj (Token Harajuku Barbie).
In 2012, I'd like to see less children in general (the world is already hot, flat and crowded enough, am I right?), but especially in fashion. Look, I think Hailee Steinfeld is great, and I love me some Chloe Grace Moretz and ever since someone told me that Dakota Fanning moved in across the street from me, I've been on the lookout for a potential Elle sighting. (Ed. note: Oh, yeah and I've been on the lookout for you, too, Dakota. I Am Sam, whatever.) But enough is enough! Ladies already have enough body issues thanks to the fashion industry, so let's not exacerbate the problem by hoisting up prepubescent girls as fashion icons. And what kind of message are we sending to impressionable youths? In my day, the children in the fashion industry made the clothes, they didn't wear them. #nimblefingers
Remember when Galliano went crazers and everyone was like, "OMG, fashion designers have it so hard and there's so much pressure to design collections so quickly aka do their job?" And that was a widely accepted justification for a total batshit Anti-Semitic breakdown? Well, now it seems that more and more designers are doing an additional collection every year. So, if anyone sees Raf Simons at La Perle, run for cover.
1.) Street Style Madness
Oh my God, we're all adults here. Get dressed and move on.